Even though we've spent our whole life together, I feel like I barely know you. And it wasn't until 10 days ago that I really gave you a whole lot of thought.
Sure, there were those times when I was 13 and first getting my period that you freaked me out because even though I'd been given all of the talks, I still didn't understand what your deal was with nice underpants since you wrecked them all. And that time you made a surprise exit in 9th grade drama class - I don't think I've ever quite forgiven you for that one.
5 years later you and your ovary pals ganged up on my to give me the most gigantic baseball-sized cysts ever. I swore that when I turned 18 I'd get a hysterectomy because I really didn't think you were that useful, other than to make me double over in pain every 28 days or so. I thought I'd teach you a lesson by first feeding you birth control pills and then just blasting you quarterly with progesterone. Ends up the joke was on me because the pills turned me into a depressed lunatic with bad skin and the progesterone just made me a depressed lunatic. It took 3 years for you to recover from that one.
We got along best when I left you alone. And for that, you rewarded me with two gorgeous healthy children. And even though the first one had to be harvested out of you like an alien critter from a sci-fi movie, you held on to the second and helped me deliver her the old-school way. For that I am so grateful.
Since our family is complete I figured that I didn't need you any more. So to thoughtlessly thank you for your years of service, I sent you a little plastic tube of hormones to keep you company for the next 5 years. As a big eff you to me, you're making me a paranoid, anxious, clotty, bleeding, oozing rashy, crampy, binge eating mess. I forgot that you need to do your own thing - and that poking and implanting things in you just isn't nice. And I'm really sorry. So sorry that I think that I'm setting a record for how soon Mirena gets removed, and in my opinion, it can't be soon enough.
Thanks again friend - and just because I still don't really understand you, doesn't mean I don't respect you. I promise to leave you alone after this.
Love,Jennifer P and your babies
5 comments:
Great post Jen!
I am contemplating the switch to Mirena... and all of these things are my worst fears about it!
Hope you are back to your old self soon.
Such a great post!
Love it!
Hope you are back to your non-medicated self soon.
I just leave mine alone too. Thanks Hubby!;-)
Mirena is the one with the hormones, right? I have the plain one: 3.5 years and counting... with a diva cup as my new friend this year.
OMIGOD ARE YOU MY TWIN SISTER?!?! I promise to stop stalking you now, but really-
adenomyosis
infertility
semi-borderline polycystic ovaries
I. Feel. Your. Pain.
We have a furbaby and only a furbaby, and every month I just cross my fingers I get my period because I refuse to do that hormone ish again. My gyno thinks I am loony.
I love you. Marry me.
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